THE DEMEANOR OF DADS
October 10, 1999 PM
Sermon Outline
Ps 127:3-5
INTRO: In five previous lessons I have talked about the things fathers can teach their children. In the course of that series of lessons it occurred to me that the demeanor of dads could be just as important as what dads teach. If demeanor and manner are not right, not much a dad attempts to teach will make an impact. Tonight I want to mention some important things about our demeanor, our manner, our behavior toward our children.
I. EXPRESS LOVE AND AFFECTION
A. Western men are typically less demonstrative than women
1. some men are so reserved youd hardly know they felt
2. the father in Mary Poppins is perhaps an exaggeration - but not atypical
B. Children need to know dads love them! (Prov 3:12)
1. oh, they know instinctively - Im not so sure of that in view of our culture and societal problems
2. words of affection; touch; deeds; time
II. FORSAKE CARPING CRITICISM
A. Perhaps we think this is motivational
1. we may not realize how such hurts
2. we need to accept legitimate limitations - individual differences - and be sure we are encouraging
III. SPEAK KINDLY TO YOUR CHILDREN
A. I hear dads who sound like drill sergeants
1. cutting, biting, harsh ... even in conversation
2. dads are often domineering, tyranical - label children with dumb - stupid - sissy, etc.
B. Note 1 Thes 2:7 in context with v.11
1. gentleness is not unmanly - is Christian
2. children will respect and learn from manly gentleness!
IV. LISTEN ATTENTIVELY TO YOUR CHILDREN
A. Husbands, fathers not typically good listeners
1. and we miss so much because we listen poorly
2. the messages we miss about our children as they talk and we dont listen can be critical
B. Be available - be accessible - be patient
1. I hear dads complain children dont talk to them - perhaps the problem is with us, dads
2. Prov 18:13 may speak to one of our problems here
V. BE FIRM - WITH REASONABLE LIMITS, EXPECTATIONS
A. Dads cannot be spineless pushovers
1. but with firmness there needs to be reason
2. dads are good at being arbitrary - I know from experience ... and there must be expectations, guidelines
B. Moral, spiritual things not negotiable
1. Joyce and I together made this decision before there were children - and yes means yes; no means no
2. what is wise and edifying is not for compromise - but in some of our arbitrary things we have been able to negotiate
VI. SUPPORT YOUR CHILDREN IN DIFFICULTY
A. Dad means strength to children
1. when troubles come through mistakes in judgment, foolish errors, they need dads strength
2. I do not mean approval - I mean they are our children and need our everlasting arms around them (Deut 33:27)
B. I like to think of 2 Tim 4:17a as comparable
1. yes, some things must be borne alone ... but there can be the accompanying strength of dad
2. your children will never forget your standing with them
CLOSE: Enjoy your children openly. Let the world know the joy they bring you. You will be forever glad you enjoyed them.
Cecil A. Hutson
10 October 1999