Question #232
How does God deal with sin you don’t remember doing?
My husband was married over 20 years ago for a short time. They had a son together, and then he left her. He tried to reconcile, but she was pregnant with another man’s child. They divorced, and we were married four years ago. Now, being “babes in Christ” these past three years, we have come to the knowledge of marriage, divorce, and remarriage. We understand what God says. The PROBLEM for my husband is that he doesn’t recall if HE cheated on HER, too. If he did, then he’s not innocent either. He truly can’t remember. We’re going to talk to the elders, as instructed by our preacher, but how does God deal with sin you don’t remember doing? Pray for us please.
The Answer:
This question presents an issue on divorce that is unique. Never before has a situation been presented where the contention for a scriptural basis to remarry is based on memory failure. It is difficult to take the argument at face value. Indeed, the asserted lack of memory has the ring of a cover up. Would a man not know if he had always been faithful to his spouse? Does the lack of memory not indicate that at the time he was the kind of person who might have, but just doesn’t remember names, dates, and places? Maybe a man can’t remember those facts, but it seems that, absent some physical dementia, he could always remember that he had always been faithful.
But even taking the statement at face value, at best it leaves a question that cannot be answered. Thus, the scriptural validity of the right to marry is at best questionable and worst nonexistent. Therefore, the conformity of the marriage to scripture is in doubt. That said, there is only one course of action that would be completely safe. Lack of memory is no defense for unscriptural conduct. If still possible, further investigation might be made by speaking with the prior wife or others of the husband’s associates at the time. Inquiry might also be made of lawyers if they were involved in the divorce proceeding. Absent secure evidence, it is always precarious to follow the questionable path; it is always safe to follow the path that is right and that cannot be wrong.
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