Gossip

3/12/23

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Sermon Transcript

We’re going to look tonight at what God has to say about gambling and how we should respond to gambling. And if you’ve ever wondered what your odds are of winning the Powerball lottery, you’ll find out tonight. And if you’ve ever wondered how those odds compare to your odds of being killed by an asteroid on your way to buy that ticket, you’ll also find that out tonight. Our topic this morning is on the topic of gossip. We might start with the question, why preach an entire sermon on the topic of gossip? One reason is that I was asked to preach a sermon on the topic of gossip, and that’s always a good reason to talk on any topic. And I was very happy to do so. But there’s another reason that I think became apparent to me as I was preparing this sermon over the last several weeks. And that is the Bible has a tremendous amount of things to say about the subject of gossip, all throughout the scripture from beginning to end. Beginning to end. In the Old Testament, in fact, we find 26 different Hebrew words and phrases describing gossip. 26. And when we come to the New Testament, incredibly we find 57 different Greek words and phrases describing gossip. All throughout the Bible. Many different ways it’s described and condemned. So I think it’s an important topic for us to look at today. If gossip is a big concern in the Bible, then gossip needs to be a big concern for us as well.

There are many, many reasons not to live in California. But one near the top of my list is the wildfire problem that we see every single year. And it seems to get worse. And it just ravaged through the state. And it just seemed to burn things down to the ground. And it just-- and that’s, I think, a good reason. I don’t think I want to live there. Gossip is like a California wildfire. It starts small, its origin is very hard to trace, but it spreads very, very quickly. It becomes very hard, sometimes seemingly impossible to control. No one is sure how far it’s going to spread before it finally dies out and it does great damage just like a California wildfire and in fact that was the point James made not specifically about gossip but generally about sins of the tongue in James 3:5, “so also the tongue is a small member yet it boasts the great things how great a forest is set ablaze by such a small fire and the tongue is a fire, a world of unrighteousness. The tongue is set among our members, staining the whole body, setting on fire the entire course of life and set on fire by hell.” How do those wildfires start out there in California? Well again, it’s kind of like gossip because sometimes gossip starts intentionally like arson. Proverbs 16:27, “An ungodly man diggeth up evil and in his lips there is a burning fire.” But you know sometimes gossip starts through carelessness or through a lack of understanding of its danger, also like a wildfire, maybe starting from an unattended campfire or something. Proverbs 11:12, “Whoever belittles his neighbor lacks sense, but a man of understanding remains silent.” And how do we respond when that fire begins? Are we fire extinguishers or are we high winds? Do we stamp out the fire or do we fan the flames? Again there’s a proverb for that, Proverbs 26:20. “For lack of wood the fire goes out and where there is no whisperer quarreling ceases.”

Well what is gossip? It’s always a good place to start spot in describing a word. How should we define gossip? You know that’s a more difficult question than you might think. A good starting point I think is this: critical talk about an absent third party. It’s a good starting point for a definition. Well, why an absent third? Well, you know, if I walk up to someone face to face and criticize them, that might be a sin, depending on the circumstances. But it’s not gossip. It’s not gossip. That’s not the sin of gossip. Gossip always involves someone who is not there, someone who is not there to defend himself, someone who is not there to explain himself. Always a component of gossip, the absent third party. That’s why gossip carries the stigma of cowardice. It’s always conducted behind the back of its subject. So critical talk about an absent third party. Well, why is that just the starting point? Why can’t that be our ending point? Why can’t we use that as our definition? The answer is it’s still a little too broad. Well, why? Well, for starters, Jesus was sometimes very critical of the Pharisees when they don’t seem to be there. And Paul was sometimes very critical of certain false teachers when they weren’t there to explain themselves. And to put a more modern spin on the question, what if one of our teenagers becomes aware of a friend who is taking dangerous drugs? Is it gossip if that teenager tells all his other friends about it? Probably yes. But is it gossip if that teenager tells his parents or a teacher about it? Probably no. Probably no. What’s the difference? The difference is the motive. Difference is the motive. Whether or not critical talk about an absent third party is gossip depends in part on the motive behind the critical talk. If the motive is to seek help for that third party by conveying truthful criticism to a person in a position to help, then that’s almost certainly not gossip. If the motive is to warn or teach others by conveying truthful criticism about an absent third party, such as the Pharisees or such as a false teacher, then that’s almost certainly not gossip. But if my motive is to harm that other person or to make myself more popular at the expense of that other person, then we’re probably looking at gossip. And why did I say truthful criticism for those good motives? Truthful criticism. Because if the criticism I’m relaying is not true, then it’s hard to imagine a situation in which that’s not gossip, regardless of my motive. But what about true criticism? Isn’t truth a defense? No, not when it comes to gossip. My criticism of an absent third party may be completely true in every respect, but yet still be gossip if I’m spreading it for the wrong reason. In fact, most gossip includes a grain of truth, doesn’t it? Most gossip, though, includes a little more than that grain. Gossip nearly always relies on just being partial truth, partial truth. Gossip is almost always misleading. It intentionally omits those inconvenient facts that would explain whatever story is being told. So no, truth is not a defense when it comes to gossip. In fact, one of the very first examples of gossip in the Bible involved something that was true. Numbers 12:1-2, “And Miriam and Aaron spoke against Moses because of the Ethiopian woman whom he had married. For he had married an Ethiopian woman. And they said, ‘Hath the Lord indeed spoken only by Moses? Hath he not spoken also by us?’ And the Lord heard it.” It was true. Moses had married an Ethiopian woman, but the truth of that was no excuse for Miriam and Aaron to go around gossiping about Moses as they very soon found out the hard way if you keep reading in Numbers chapter 12. And I love the short phrase at the end of verse 2 of Numbers 12, that little short phrase at the end, “And the Lord heard it.” Whenever we gossip, we need to remember that someone is listening to every single word we say. Matthew 12:36, “I tell you on the day of judgment, people will give account for every careless word they speak.” Wow, that’s a sobering verse, isn’t it? Every careless word. What that means is that we need to watch every word we say. God is listening. So back to our question, what is gossip? Here’s the definition I came up with. Critical talk about an absent third party that is either false or misleading, or if true, is conveyed with a wrong motive. Well, what are some of those wrong motives? It could be malicious gossip. A lot of it is, but not all gossip is malicious. Gossip doesn’t require an intent to harm someone. It may just be I’m gossiping because I want to make myself more popular. And in fact, in some ways, gossip without malice may be the worst type of gossip. Well, why is that? Because gossip without malice is like one of those random, motiveless crimes we see on the news every night. It’s done without any care or concern to the person we may be harming. It’s like firing bullets without any concern for who it might hit. So I think we can use that definition. I’m sure it could be improved, but I don’t think we need to spend any more time improving it. Why is that? Because I think we all know gossip when we hear it, and I think we all know gossip when we tell it. I don’t think our problem with gossip comes from our inability to precisely define it.

But one last point about that definition-- and please hear me out on this before you start throwing things. Instead of saying critical talk about absent third parties, should I have instead said critical talk by ladies against absent ladies? You know, I read a lot of material on gossip the last two weeks. And a lot of it came from my grandfather’s preacher files and my father’s preacher files, which means it was from the '40s and the '50s and the '60s and the '70s. And if that’s all you read, you might come away thinking, gossip is just a topic for a ladies class. Ooh, how wrong is that? Absolutely wrong. Gossip is a problem for everybody, everybody. And I suspect in our own experience, that our own experience is enough to show us that there is no particular group of anybody in the church that’s cornered the market on gossip. It’s a problem for everybody. And in fact, based on my own experience, in some congregations, the preacher’s been the worst gossip of all. So none of us is immune from the dangers of gossip. No one is. Gossip is a problem for the people of God. Gossip is a problem for the people of God. In fact, gossip has always been a problem for the people of God. How do I know that? Because gossip is condemned all throughout the Bible from beginning to end, beginning to end. And in fact, when we flip over to Proverbs 6:16-19 and look at the seven things that God hates, over half of them involve gossip. “There are six things that the Lord hates, seven that are an abomination to him: haughty eyes, a lying tongue, hands that shed innocent blood, a heart that devises wicked plans, feet that make haste to run to evil, a false witness who breathes out lies, one who sows discord among brothers.” Over half of them have a relation to gossip. I think we all know that gossip is a sin. But do we think of it as a big sin or a little sin? On the scale between murder and jaywalking, where do we put gossip? It’s a problem. But is it a serious problem? Well the Bible answers that question for us. And when we open the Bible, what we find is, yes, gospel’s not just a problem for the people of God. Gossip is a serious problem for the people of God. Serious. Really? I mean, don’t we have a lot bigger problems than gossip? I mean, it’s not murder, right? Well, let’s look at that question. Yes, gossip isn’t murder, but don’t gossip and murder have some pretty big things in common? I mean, we each just have one life, right? And you know what? We each just have one reputation. And sadly, many people have learned the hard way that a reputation once lost is sometimes gone forever. Proverbs 22:1, “A good name is to be chosen rather than great riches.” You know, gossip’s a lot like murder. Gossip is gossips have been called reputation assassins for a reason and While gossip is not murder The Bible puts them both on the same list. Romans 1:29, “They were filled with all manner of unrighteousness, evil, covetousness, malice. They’re full of envy, murder, strife, deceit, maliciousness, gossips.” Hmm. Jaywalking? I don’t think so. In fact, it might be the case that gossip is an even more serious problem than murder. Why is that? Well, you know what? Murder has never really been a big problem in the church. We don’t struggle with the sin of murder every day, maybe never. But you know what? I think we’d all agree that we all struggle with the sin of gossip every single day. You know, it’s easy for us to dismiss gossip as just a minor problem, but I think when we look at what the Bible has to say on the subject, we’re gonna find out it’s anything but, anything but. You know, I think what we’re gonna find is that gossip is like a dead canary in a coal mine. Gossip is a signal of a deadly danger that we might not be aware of. Gossip, gossip, keep saying gospel, gossip, gossip, we’ll get to the gospel later, gossip, gossip is a symptom of even bigger problems. Gossip is like shortness of breath. Yeah, shortness of breath is a problem, but you know the bigger problem? What’s causing that shortness of breath? My shortness of breath is telling me something about myself and so is my gossip. So is my gossip. So what is it telling us?

Gossip is a sign that we’re not following the golden rule. Matthew 7:12, “Whatever you wish that others would do to you, do also to them.” James 2:8, calls it the royal law, “You shall love your neighbor as yourself.” When I’m spreading gossip, I need to stop and ask myself a very simple question. Would I want others to be saying this about me? Would I want others to be saying this about a member of my family? And if it were being said about me, would I like to have an opportunity to explain myself and to defend myself? Galatians 5:14, “For the whole law is fulfilled in one word, you shall love your neighbor as yourself.” Verse 15, “But if you bite and devour one another, watch out that you are not consumed by one another.” Gossip in the church is a sign that we’re not following the golden rule like we should be. Gossip is also a sign that we’re putting ourselves in the place of God. We’re putting ourselves in the place of God. That is the point James made in James chapter 4, starting in verse 11. “Do not speak evil against one another, brothers. The one who speaks against a brother or judges his brother, speaks evil against the law and judges the law. But if you judge the law, you’re not a doer of the law, but a judge. There is only one lawgiver and judge, he who is able to save and to destroy. But who are you to judge your neighbor?” You know, we may think we have perfect knowledge of a situation, but we do not. We may think we can know with certainty the thoughts and intents of someone’s heart, but we cannot. We may view ourselves as the fount and the source of truth, but we are not. We may believe we have the right and even the duty to judge and condemn someone, but we do not. Those things belong to God, not to us. The point James made in James chapter 4. Gossip in the church is a sign that we’re putting ourselves in the place of God. But you know what? Gossip is also a sign of a breakdown in the body, breakdown in the body. You know we know the church is a body, we’re the body of Christ, Romans 12:4-5. “For as in one body we have many members and the members do not all have the same function, so we though many are one body in Christ and individually members one of another.” We are a body and we’re told to rejoice with those that rejoice and weep with those that weep, Romans 12:15. And isn’t that what you expect in a body? Isn’t that exactly what you expecting a body when I stub my toe does my arm say good I’m glad that toe got what it deserved my arm happy about it or does instead my whole body hurt because of the injury done to one part of it that’s how a body reacts when a part of the body is harmed, hurt that’s how we should react. Ephesians 4:16, “from whom the whole body joined and held together by every joint with which it is equipped, when each part is working properly, makes the body grow so that it builds itself up in love.” That’s a body functioning as it should. Colossians 2:19, “And not holding fast to the head, from whom the whole body, nourished and knit together through its joints and ligaments, grows with a growth that is from God.” That’s a healthy body. We in the church must act as members of a single body, and when we do that, gossip will end. 1 Corinthians 12:12, “For just as the body is one and has many members and all the members of the body though many are one body so it is with Christ.” “For in one spirit we were all baptized into one body.” Skipping down to verse 25, “that there be no division in the body, but the members may have the same care for one another.” That’s a healthy body. That’s a healthy body. We must focus on building each other up rather than tearing each other down. Our scripture reading this morning with Ephesians 4:29, “Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouth but only such as is good for building up as fits the occasion that it may give grace to those who hear.” Gossip in the church is a sign that there’s there’s been a breakdown in the body.

Gossip is also a sign that we’re focused on the wrong thing. You know, we’ve been given a great commission by God. A great commission by God. Go out, teach the world. And to accomplish that great task, we must be a very focused people. We’re not going to teach the entire world about Christ by accident. For that to happen, it must be our driving goal. But what does gossip tell us? Well, for starters, gossip tells us that our focus is not on reaching the lost, but instead our focus is on each other. And worse, gossip reduces our effectiveness in reaching the lost. Well, why is that? Well, not only are we focused now on accomplishing something other than the goal of reaching the lost when we’re gossiping, But gossiping makes us less effective by wasting our effort, wasting our time on these other pursuits, and by harming the reputations of the very people who are trying to reach the lost. Jesus came to seek and to save the lost. Is that also our goal? If so, we need to steer very far away from gossip.

Gossip is also a sign that we don’t respect authority as we should. If we list the people in the Bible who seem to have suffered the most from gossip, who would be on that list? Well, I think after reading the Psalms, we’d have to have King David on that list. Psalm 31:11, and 13, “Because of all my adversaries I have become a reproach, especially to my neighbors, an object of dread to my acquaintances, those who see me in the street flee from me for I hear the whispering of many.” I think David would be on our list. But you know who else would be on that list? I think the Apostle Paul would be on that list. 1 Corinthians 4:12-13, “When reviled, we bless. When persecuted, we endure. When slandered, we entreat.” And Paul suffered a lot from slander and gossip, false accusations. What did David and Paul have in common? They were both leaders. And of course, Jesus was also the object of a lot of gossip. Leaders have always been especially attractive targets for gossip, and we need to be extra careful to avoid that temptation. Why? Because God tells us that an attack on an authority that he has ordained is ultimately an attack on his own authority. That’s Romans 13:1-2. There’s a right way to question authority. There’s a right way to respond to authority. And there are wrong ways. Gossip is always the wrong way. Gossip in the church may be a sign that we’ve lost our proper respect for authority.

Gossip is also a sign that we’re working on the wrong side. Who is the biggest gossip of all time? Isn’t it Satan? Revelation 12:10 describes Satan as “the accuser of our brothers who accuses them day and night before our God.” You think those are all true accusations, not from the father of lies, Satan. Zechariah 3:1, “Then he showed me Joshua the high priest standing before the angel of the Lord and Satan standing at his right hand to accuse him.” Gossip is one of Satan’s favorite tools, one of his most effective tools. Satan accuses our brothers day and night. We don’t ever want to be on that side.

Gossip is also a sign that we lack spiritual maturity. In fact, our speech in general is a sign of our spiritual maturity. James 3:2, “For we all stumble in many ways and if anyone does not stumble in what he says, he is a perfect man, able also to bridle his whole body.” Perfect man. We were able to go without stumbling in speech. Well there’s only one person who was able to do that. Jesus, our perfect example. 1 Peter 2:22, “Who did no sin neither with guile found in his mouth.” Can you imagine going through your entire life never one time sinning with your speech? That’s If we’re having a problem with gossip or with any sin of the tongue, then that’s a sign of spiritual immaturity, a sign that we need to improve.

Gossip is also a sign of something else. It’s a sign of heart disease. Luke 6:45, “The good person out of the good treasures of his heart produces good and the evil person out of his evil treasures produces evil for out of the abundance of the heart his mouth speaks.” And Mark 7:21-23, “for from within, out of the heart of man, come evil thoughts, sexual immorality, theft, murder, adultery, coveting, wickedness, deceit, sensuality, envy, slander, pride, foolishness. All these evil things come from within, and they defile a person.” The sign of heart disease. So not only is gossip a problem for the people of God, it is a serious, serious problem for the people of God. One reason it is is because it is an indicator of even deeper problems. It’s a sign. It’s a symptom. It’s a sign I’m not following the golden rule as I should. Gossip’s a sign I’m putting myself in the place of God. Gossip is a sign there’s been a breakdown in the body. Gossip is a sign that I’m focused on the wrong thing. Gossip may be a sign that I’m not respecting authority as I should. Gossip’s a sign I’m working on the wrong side. It’s a sign I lack spiritual maturity. It’s a sign of heart disease. It’s a serious problem.

But there’s still something else we need to say about gossip. It’s a problem. It’s a serious problem. But gossip is a modern problem for the people of God. A modern problem. What do I mean by that? Well, gossip usually relies on a network of some sort. It’s very rare for two strangers to meet up and gossip about a third stranger. Very rare. Gossip almost always involves people who know each other very well. But historically, those networks were kind of small. Gossip involves small groups. Very often, just two people talking about a third person. That has all changed today with social media and the internet, hasn’t it? Today, I can use my so-called smartphone to reach thousands of people all over the world, all at one time with my gossip. And worse, that gossip’s not just spoken as it once was. Now it can be recorded in a near permanent format that can be accessed all over the world for years. In short, that forest fire of gossip we started off talking about is now the nuclear bomb of gossip. The World Wide Web can create a worldwide conflagration. And it does all the time, doesn’t it? And on the internet, that gossip is usually impersonal. Sometimes it’s even anonymous. You don’t know who’s telling you this. You know, I think we can all agree on one thing about text messages and the internet and Facebook messages and emails and things like that. I think we can all agree on this, that we are more likely to say things we shouldn’t in those formats than we are when we’re talking to someone face to face. And that makes gossip an even more serious problem. You know, we hear a lot today about cancel culture. You know what’s behind a lot of that? Gossip. Gossip. Sometimes people find themselves canceled because of an anonymous, unfounded rumor or because of some statement lifted out of context that they’re not given an opportunity to explain. And yeah, cancel culture is a modern problem. But you know what? Cancel culture is not only a modern problem. That’s been going on a long, long time, long before social media. You know that Rome, you know that Rome accused Christians of cannibalism because of the communion service? Spread that rumor about Christians. You know that Nero, knowing that Christians expected a fiery end to the world, used that to spread the rumor Christians had started the great fire that almost destroyed the entire city of Rome that most people think Nero started himself? Gossip has been used for centuries to attack the church. The world has used gossip as a weapon against the church for centuries. We need to make sure we’re not using it that way ourselves.

Well how can we deal with gossip? What should we do when we’re guilty of gossip? Well we can certainly repent of it. Can we undo the damage? Maybe, but it may be impossible to undo the damage, but we can do what we can. We can start by apologizing both to the person we told the gossip to and the person we gossiped about and we might ask those people, that person, if they told anybody else that we can then go and apologize to. You know fixing gossip is a lot like contact tracing when it comes to a virus, isn’t it? Because it spreads, it’s like a virus. Hard to fix. Another thing we can do is we can think before we speak. James 1:19, “let every person be quick to hear but slow to speak.” Proverbs 15:28, “the heart of the righteous ponders how to answer but the mouth of the wicked pours out evil things.” Proverbs 29:11, “a fool gives full vent to his spirit but a wise man quietly holds back.” And one of my favorites, Proverbs 17:28, “Even a fool who keeps silent is considered wise. When he closes his lips he’s deemed intelligent.” Another thing we can do if we’re guilty of gossip, we’re tempted by gossip, is to pray about it, to pray about it. You know, instead of taking that situation to another person, we should take it to God in prayer because you know one thing about God that we know God knows the truth of the situation. He knows exactly the truth of what’s going on and if we’re concerned about something let’s not gossip about it let’s take it to God in prayer and trust God because he knows the truth.

Well what should we do when we’re offered some gossip? When we’re on the receiving end? Well first we need to recognize that there is a temptation to listen to gossip just as much as there is a temptation to spread gossip. The listening is also a temptation. Proverbs 18:8, “The words of a whisperer are like delicious morsels. They go down into the inner parts of the body.” That’s a temptation to listen to it and we need to understand that the one who willingly listens to gossip is just as guilty as the one who spreads it. Proverbs 17:4, “An evildoer listens to wicked lips.” So what should we do when we’re tempted with listening to gossip? Well, one thing we can do is avoid those people who are spreading it. Proverbs 20:19, “Whoever goes about slandering reveals secrets. Therefore do not associate with a simple babbler.” There are some other things we can do. We can try to shut it down. We might even suggest that we both go talk to the person who’s the subject of the gossip. Give them a chance to explain. Maybe try to help them with this problem. We might turn it that way into a teaching opportunity. We certainly shouldn’t spread it any further. We certainly should not seek it. Should not seek it out. We should not encourage it. And we should not be inclined to believe the worst about someone. We should try to steer the conversation to good points about that person. And again, we should pray. We should pray about it.

Well, what should I do? What should we do when we’re being gossiped about? We’re the subject of the gossip. We hear those whispers, hear those rumors. Well, the obvious point we can start with is that the more I do to stop gossip from happening, the I’ll be gossiped about. But there’s another obvious point here, seems obvious, but I think sometimes it’s lost on us, and it’s this. Someone who gossips to me is almost certainly gossiping about me. Proverbs 11:13, “Whoever goes about slandering reveals secrets, but he who is trustworthy in spirit keeps the thing covered.” A slanderer, a gossiper, they reveal secrets that can’t be trusted, cannot be trusted. And again, we can pray about it because we know whatever the world is saying about us, God knows the truth and we know that Jesus knows very well what it’s like to be the subject of gossip and false accusations. And if those accusations against us are true, then we can pray about that also, and we may need to repent of whatever actions led to that gossip in the first place.

You know, one thing that comes through very clearly when we read Paul’s epistles is that the church and Corinth had a big problem with gossip, big problem with gossip, Corinth, and gossip all throughout it. They were gossiping about other people. They were gossiping about each other. They were gossiping about Paul. They were listening to gossip about Paul. From beginning to end, 2 Corinthians 12:20, “For I fear that perhaps when I come, I may find you not as I wish, and that you may find me not as you wish, that perhaps there may be quarreling, jealousy, anger, hostility, slander, gossip, conceit, and disorder.” The church in Corinth had a big, big problem with gossip. Well, what’s the solution? Paul gave them the solution. Paul gave them the solution to all those things we just read including gossip. Paul gave them the solution. 1st Corinthians 13:4-7, “Love is patient and kind. Love does not envy or boast. It is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way. It is not irritable or resentful. It does not rejoice at wrongdoing but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.” Love was the answer. Love was the solution. And love is still the solution today to the problem of gossip. And we need to show that love to each other before we can ever show that love to those outside who are lost.

In my Bible, I I’ve taken a lot of notes over the years. When I looked up this next verse I’m about to read, in the margin, I had written one of dad’s favorite verses. At some point, he talked on this, and he told me one of his favorites. verse 1 John 3:1-3. “See what kind of love the Father has given to us that we should be called the children of God. And so we are. The reason why the world does not know us is that it did not know him. Beloved, we are God’s children now. What we will be has not yet appeared. But we know that when he appears, we shall be like him because we shall see him as he is. And everyone who thus hopes in him purifies himself as he is pure.” You want the solution to gossip? That’s the solution to gossip. There’s anyone here this morning who lacks purity, either because your sins had never been washed away in the waters of baptism, you’ve never put on Christ in baptism, Or, perhaps because you fall in prey to gossip or to some other sin. Jesus Christ is the answer. He can make you pure and whole. If we can help in any way, please come while we stand, while we sing.